There’s a good chance I’ll delete this. I just need to work through some feelings for a minute.

I was approved for adoption of this beautiful little dog who sounds like a perfect fit for my family. My husband turned around and outright refuses to get on board. He essentially said that I’m “not allowed”. He is bossy and controlling and I’m generally able to just roll my eyes and do what I need to do. But then he makes threats. He said he would return the dog to make sure I wasn’t able to adopt from them again.

He also said I’m getting a dog to “replace (my) son again.” And that I barely pay attention to our son. All of this is completely insane and just really mean and hurtful shit. I can’t even look at him.

When he gets like this I immediately go straight to thinking about divorce. It’s happened before when he has gotten outlandish like this. I moved out for 3 months several years ago. I had an attorney on standby 2 years ago. And now this. Yes, I do see the pattern. I’m fully aware that this relationship has really bipolar cycles.

In addition to this, I pay our mortgage, phones, utilities, and insurances. He does grocery shopping and while it’s a lot, it doesn’t come close. I work a full time and a part time job (music). He works when he gets work. Generally part time. Sometimes, no time. I’ve seen him try a few careers and quit them. I’ve been steadily employed promoted throughout our relationship.

Now… he does stay home with our son a lot. He picks him up from camp or school, brings him to his after school stuff. And that is a big thing. Despite being home most of the time, he rarely cleans the house and then kind of sideeyes me about it. Like it’s my responsibility.

I work on nights sometimes and I typically have one night out with friends a week. He does not enjoy socializing. I’ve tried to encourage him to socialize and he does not do it. He does however throw back in my face that I’m out too much. Drinking too much. The drinking part is not off base. I need to reel that in. But I’m still going to socialize.

He knows what hurts me. Criticizing me as a mother mainly. Criticizing my really base values. Making sure I know not to get too confident or proud. Meanwhile, I literally subsidize his life and he is trying to exert control over me. I get it. It is a way for him to feel more powerful maybe. But I am caught smack in the middle of enraged and deeply wounded.

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