Particles

I’m not really sure what to do lately. I feel mentally constipated. I have lots of things I want to do and when I sit down to do one, it’s like a traffic jam and nothing comes out. Lately, my cure for that has been sleeping. SUper productive.

I did a Tarot spread yesterday about self-care. The Biddy Tarot planner has some really great spreads to do throughout the year. I find the process to be really helpful in honing some focus. So, the reading revealed that I am feeling a bit spiritually anemic and that I would do well in a deeper spiritual dive. I agree. I think even doing that reading was a step in the right direction.

I also focused on how I’m not feeling very inspired right now. Like, I feel it rumbling beneath but nothing is coming forth. Like when you can’t orgasm. Right? Ew. But exactly the same. The whole thing becomes tiresome and you’re like just forget it, I’m going to sleep. Hahhahaha.

I’m having a hard time focusing at work. I’m at work right now, for example. I just feel like I’m floating and I pretty much only want to be in bed. I don’t feel sad really. I feel like a bunch of disconnected particles.

I’ve been feeling a strong pull to sit with music for a while. I haven’t written a song in like 2 years. My catalog of songs is all over the place. I feel like it might be nice to have a list. Also, I have a pretty delicate shell as an artist. I love working with people and exchanging energy but people’s personalities have a habit of overwhelming me and taking over so I lose sight of my own vision. Many times, it’s not ill-intentioned. But I become completely drained and I stop being able to produce anything. Then I go back to wanting to be alone.

I feel like that is a pretty good analysis of me in general. I’m enormously sensitive to other people’s energy and I can become flattened by it.

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