Mother’s Day 2020.

Something broke in me today. I had a good sob, then I took a bath and a muscle relaxer.

First of all, I have been having daily migraines for over a month as a result of TMJ. The muscle relaxers are from a car accident I had in 2014. Thank god I hung onto them because they’re the only thing that helps the pain in my jaw. The ONLY thing. The prescription said one every 8 hours. They do the job for maybe two. But I’ll take those two. Since I only had about 6 left, I’ve been rationing them out for days that are insufferable, like today. I have one left.

I’m frustrated because my GP was not listening to me. She kept saying it was allergies. I have no medical degree, but I’ve had allergies AND my skull for 42 years and this is not allergies. My dentist heard me and gave me a new guard to wear at night. That helped at first but the migraines are back.

Today was Mother’s Day so I went to my parents’ for a distance-appropriate afternoon hang on their deck. It was a really nice time. Then I wanted dinner from Veggie Heaven but they weren’t taking orders. Frustration.

I came home, my head throbbing, my stomach churning, and my heart breaking because of the nice, but still surreal time with my family and I lost it. Completely lost it. And for once, I LET myself. I’m doing a lot of internal work during quarantine and allowing myself to feel emotions is a big part of it. I cried for maybe 7 minutes total. Then I took a bath. Now I feel relaxed.

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