When you start tuning in and feeding your energy where it feels right, paying no mind to the “shoulds” or the “expectations”, magical things begin to happen. When I quit drinking, I felt certain that my rusty old receptors were rattling back to top form. I feel confident that all of these things are happening.
I have been meditating regularly and paying close attention to what I am receiving and lo and behold, answers are coming through. Not just answers though, heavy handed bonks on the head and signs wrapped in Christmas lights. I am getting the same messages reinforced through so many channels that it is almost frightening, kind of comical, and entirely an enormous relief.
What the fuck am I talking about? Well, I’ve been searching for myself fro 42 years. I am a wolf born of lambs and expected to act as such. I’ve felt out of place my whole life. I’ve felt uncomfortable my whole life. Too much, too little, pretending to be interested in things I was not, hiding things I am interested in for fear of being judged or shunned. I drank to get rid of that feeling. Now I am ready to face it and get to the root of it.
Since being accepted into the MBA program, I’ve felt a big disconnect inside. I don’t want to learn more about business. I fucking hate business. It’s choreography. I’d rather just dance.
I’ve talked about my nervous breakdowns every several years because my soul comes out and CRIES that it is not happy and not fulfilled and not being USED to it’s greatest potential. My soul wants to heal people. I know that. I don’t need to be an executive. That’s not my dream. That belongs to someone else. I”m giving it back.
I’ve had intense migraines for 2 months now. Debilitating and scary ones that had me wearing sunglasses indoors and sleeping through days because the pain was too much. Now, I will keep you updated on this, but in the past few days since I’ve made the decision to not enroll in the MBA program and to enroll in another course that is more aligned with my spiritual path, I have not had one. Will that continue? I’m not sure but I have a good feeling that they will subside now.
I realize this is all very vague but I’m still processing a lot of it. This time in my life is big. What I am going through right now is so important and energizing. In a meditation the other day, I kept getting the message, “you have always known.” And my whole body relaxed and filled up with light.
This is gonna be so fucking good.