More dog grief and reimmersion from vacation

I’m tired. No reason. I had one “spiked seltzer” last night and went to bed at a reasonable time. I slept well, got up at 8 to help W get ready for camp. And then… then… I fell back asleep. Why? I don’t really know. I could’ve made a cup of tea.

I had a dream about the two dogs last night. It was the same as my past Mdog dreams. He visits but is constantly running away. I usually get a few snuggles though so it’s worth it. In this dream, Mdog was barking at the door and we could hear Pup barking. I was looking all over until I realized the barking was coming from inside my husband’s car. I got into the car and found Pup passing out in the hot car. But I saved him. I saved him. I screamed at my husband. I brought Pup inside and then he just kept running away. I mean… this all makes sense. We tried a bunch of stuff and we were going to lose him anyway.

This sounds like a sad dream but I was smiling when I woke up from seeing them. Seeing them playing together like old times. Also, yesterday I began browsing Petfinder and local rescues. So that was likely a catalyst for the dream. I think they were saying, “We’re together. It’s ok.”

That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. Don’t come at me with “random neurons firing”. I’ll punch you.

I had a bagel for lunch today and yesterday. Bagels are my gateway food into the spiral of bad eating habits. They seem innocuous to most, but I have to have the with a bag of chips. Then I want to take a nap an hour later. Then I want cookies. Shame spiral. Repeat.

I was intent on going back on my 21DSD plan because it is sustainable for me. I have o stock up on more salad stuff. This is getting boring. Bye.

Musings of a chronically tired person.

Day 9 of the sugar detox and I’m feeling good. I finally got that allergy situation under control and I’m back to feeling the positive effects of this detox. I still do not have more energy. Low energy has ALWAYS been a problem for me. ALWAYS. Yes, I have chronic, clinical (aka Major) depression and yes I take meds for it. Yes, I have my thyroid checked every year and while I’m on the cusp, meds are not necessary. AND For the record, yes, I’ve tried them and they made me very shaky.

My theory about my energy problem? I’m a night person forced to live a daytime life. I used to joke about this but it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Throughout my adult life I have been trying desperately to appreciate the beauty of daytime. And trust me, I do. I love being in my yard while my son and dog run around. I love walking around the park. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get my ass to sleep before 1am. I think I’m just wired this way. Imagine making an owl do all of it’s stuff during the day. It would be cranky and tired too.

Now that I’m in my 40s, it’s pretty clear that my dream of being a full time artist and/ or singer is probably not going to happen. I’m grateful that I have time to do both and I’m also thankful for my daytime job that affords me these things. But in working full time… I have to walk with the day people. And I don’t feel like I fit in at all.