I have a stabbing pain in my lower left back area. Seems alarmingly kidney-like. I’m not panicking yet.

UPDATE: I Googled kidney disease symptoms and I think I’m in the clear. Loss of appetite? Solid no. (I didn’t have any of the others either aside from this weird pain.) Thanks, Dr. Google.

I’ve had an on again off again wrestling match with Weight Watchers for almost my entire adult life. I remember being like 130 lbs. wanting to get down to 120 and I bet the middle aged women in there wanted to punch my face. As a current middle aged woman who SHOCKED herself with her last weigh-in, I know my eyes would ache from rolling.

I saw a number I have never seen outside of LATE pregnancy on the scale on Monday.  I’m talking like 7-8 months. And I had a huge 9 lb. baby at the end of it. ANYWAY, it was a real eye opener for me. I am happy to report that I have had no bedtime snacks for the past 2 nights. That is enormous for me.

As a chronic over-indulger, I was eating literal boxes of cookies and bags of chips – not the snack size, the regular bag you buy for several people to eat over a period of time. For me, this is going to be all about habit breaking. Luckily, I have quitting drinking under my belt to PROVE that I can do this fucking thing. I counted like 3 different times I almost just mindlessly went grazing in the kitchen. I did have an evening snack of mixed nuts and olives (I’m a freak) but it was within my “points” and it consisted of whole foods.

I think, since I have no idea what moderation actually feels like, I get very extreme about portions. I’m either going to eat so much that I’m almost in pain – OR I’m going to attempt a ridiculously restricted diet. Surprise, neither of those things work.

I know it’s only been two days, but the flashback to that fucking scale has been serving to keep me in check. I’ve also been tracking my dinner and lunch at the same time – meaning I’ll track what I’m going to have for dinner BEFOREHAND so I don’t get wishy washy and eat an entire pizza because it’s easier than thinking.

So yeah. I’m hoping to have some success with that.

Another fun “quirk” is that there are like 500 books I want to read and I get really jazzed thinking about reading them and then I never read them because I worry about spending too much time sitting and reading. Yet, I’ve binged like 20 shows in the past 6 months.

In other news, I wore a real bra for the first time in 6 months and wow, the team looks great.

I’ll see myself out.